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The Student News Site of CFHS

The Lantern
The Student News Site of CFHS

The Lantern
The Student News Site of CFHS

The Lantern
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Robo school

AI Robot teachers take over the school.
Elliot Iverson, Torch writer • March 31, 2024
Bowen Maki
OBEY OBEY OBEY OBEY

Shhhhhhh, if the AI robots are around, exit this article (but don’t do it suspiciously) and don’t open it again until you’re safe. Do you really want to be thrown out the window? Didn’t think so. The new teachers (as they call themselves) have a new and very different, almost military, way of teaching 

Due to recent budget cuts the Cannon Falls Middle School/High School district can’t pay their teachers so, as an alternative, they hired 100+ AI robots to replace the teachers who had to find new jobs. The AI robots, according to the students, are very scary and intimidating. Kylie Sindt said that, “The robots are terrifying, scary, weird, mean, crazy, and very very very tall.” The AI robots have developed a software that allows them to see and control what happens on chromebooks, so they change all the student’s answers to the wrong answers so they fail the tests, we were told by anonymous sources who didn’t want to be named in fear of the AI robots throwing them out the window. 

The sports coaches have been making the athletes run 10 to 15 laps, then push them to their limits, and past. So the percentage of wins to losses has gone down because of the criticisms that the athletes get when they lose has increased losses and quitting sports. The percent that went up was the amount of athletes that quit playing the sports they love because of these 3 things: injuries, low confidence, and strict (and cranky) robot coaches.  

The AI robots are encouraging students to use Chat GPT, and all those apps that do math or other homework for you. They told some students that they didn’t even have to do the homework and would just put it in the grade book as 100%, this information was also received by the anonymous source. The source also told us “We overheard them talking to each other at a meeting, which makes no sense why they need it can’t they just text each other or something, that they were planning to take over the school and are going to take over the world after that. You would have expected this after the One Act Play this winter.” 

Don’t ever open this at school, or even think about it for that matter. Ahhhhh save yourselves guys, they found me, HELP… 

 

HELLO THIS IS MRS. TECH, PROUDLY MADE BY TORTURE TECH, NONE OF WHAT IS LISTED ABOVE IS TRUE.

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About the Contributors
Elliot Iverson
Elliot Iverson, Torch Writer
Hey what up y'all, I’m Elliot, your (insert name here), and you might find me acting like a animal or dressing up as a guy, for a theatrical production obviously, or doing a extra hard math test at a different school for fun, or acting like an idiot in front of a locker and then apologizing to said locker for traumatizing it. (for math league or speech). Peace out homies!
Bowen Maki
Bowen Maki, Media Editor-in-Chief
Howdy doodly! My name is Bowen Maki and I'm a muse with a camera. I'm a senior and I take pictures and videos for the Lantern. When I'm not behind the camera I like to be in front of it with theater, speech, and weightlifting. I have a deep love of psychology, skating, and stuffing my head with useless knowledge.