A mutant new uniform
WARNING: SATIRE The Cannon Falls softball team will be sporting new, stylish uniforms this season.
The Cannon Falls softball team has begun its season and is thrilled to practice and compete, but feeling underwhelmed with their current school uniforms. It’s been decades since the girls received new uniforms. Lucky for them, however, the school has pulled together the money to purchase the most updated, modernized, and stylish uniforms to give the girls the best opportunities for their 2023 season.
The softball team will be repping a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle suit fully equipped with a hard shell, green turtle cleats, a headband that ties in the back, as well as protective knee and elbow pads. This new uniform addition will surely improve the girl’s performance explained head coach, Tom Langfeldt.
Langfeldt emphasized, “We are extremely lucky to be receiving up-to-date uniforms,” and that the team cannot wait to start breaking them in. With the addition of a turtle shell, the girls will be able to slide and dive into bases while protecting their stomach and hips from injury. Additionally, the red protection padding — that will be worn on the girls’ knees and elbows — will supply support and protection against bruises and holes that appeared in their original jerseys.
Furthermore, wearing sunglasses on the field will be banned and replaced with a red silk headband. The band supports head movement, eye protection, and repels the sun’s UV rays to prevent sunburn on the face. Senior Rachael Miller, stated, “I am beyond excited to be sporting these new headbands.” Miller expressed that the red looks great with the rest of the uniform and that their new look will be intimidating for their opponents. This in turn will build confidence in the girls.
The most important aspect of the softball team’s new uniform is their dark green cleats. The cleats include a turtle skin pattern on the exterior and full ankle support and mobility within the interior. Although the green does not represent Cannon Falls colors, these special shoes outweigh any odd color combination.
To tie up the appearance, the girls will be swinging for home runs with the latest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle softball bats. These bats carry good fortune and strength within it’s aluminum make-up. The girls are prepared to make history this season, all due to the inspiration the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles give them.
Hi, I’m Kallie! I’m a senior and an editor for The Lantern, while also being in volleyball, SADD, MHS, and prom committee. My favorite food is buttered...