In Midnight Oil, Becca Benson discusses her love of comedy, shares her creative work, and reflects on various occurrences in her brief existence on this earth.

In this installment of Midnight Oil, you, my dear reader, will be able to witness a piece of humorous writing that me, your dear writer, has composed.  

Near the end of his life, artist Vincent Van Gogh cut off part of his ear for no apparent reason.  The incident was blamed on this apparent insanity, which was the public accepted as truth, as mentality off-kilter painters are more than likely to do thing most would consider out of the ordinary.  However, by looking into a recently discovered era in European fashion, historians may have discovered a somewhat logical reason for Van Gogh’s self-inflicted disfigurement.

In the 1880s, Europe was plagued by a temporary genetic mutation caused by a solar flare that which resulted in uncontrolled growth of earlobes.  This lead to those with wealth going in for regular ear trimmings to preserve their outer beauty. Ear trimming became a high-paying trade that was adopted by barbers.  Earlobes would be cut to an acceptable length, cauterized, and people of importance were able to go about their lives as before the mutation occurred.  Members of the lower classes were unable to afford to trim their ears, and elongated lobes became yet another way to distinguish rich from poor.

Vincent Van Gogh was one of many who suffered from ever-growing ears.  A seemingly common curse among starving artists, Van Gogh fell in love with a wealthy woman.  In previous days, a man could fake riches by stealing extravagant clothing and exotic jewelry, but Van Gogh’s earlobes dangled down past his shoulders, a dead giveaway he was without money.  Nevertheless, he was determined to win the woman over.

Just like prison tattoos and having various body parts pierced using a sewing needle and a potato occur today, citizens could find shadier ways to get their lobes trimmed.  This is the route Van Gogh was forced to take, seeking the help of his blacksmith friend Job, often referred to as “Lobeless Job” in the back pages of specialty magazines.  Armed with his smithing tools, Jobe began work on Van Gogh’s right earlobe.  After much screaming and minimal bloodshed, the lobe was cut back to a respectable length.  When Jobe began work on the other ear, however, Van Gogh was caught off guard by a horrible sneezing fit, which caused his head to jerk and his ear to become heavily mutilated.  It was after this incident that Van Gogh painted the famous self portrait depicting him with a bandage over his injured ear.  

Due to the desire to suppress the ear trimming phase of European history, a story was fabricated that he cut off his own ear out of madness.  Recent research has, however, finally proven that it was not out of madness that Van Gogh’s ear was severed, but rather that the artist was yet another victim of fashion.