Recently, a movement has struck Cannon Falls High School. A deluded faction of students, brainwashed by popular culture, their opinions cemented in a point of view that can only be described as fundamentally false, believe in an egregious lie, a stunning error that could upset the balance of our society as we know it today.

These students believe that GIF is pronounced GIF when it is clearly pronounced GIF.

In response to this group of “GIF-prophets,” as they call themselves, another cluster of students has risen up, fighting for the one proper pronunciation of the elusive word: GIF. Clearly these students take the moral high ground in the argument, as evidenced by  a recent study conducted by Harvard and the renowned linguist Gifford Gifman’s new book “It’s GIF.” 

This February, in honor of national GIF month, Dr. Ingrif O’Gif, a tenured professor at Harvard’s prestigious school of pop culture pronunciation and two-time Pulitzer prize winner for her work in spreading awareness for the GIF cause, released a study conducted to settle the score once and for all. In her study, O’Gif surveyed every single American, finding that 51% of Americans pronounce it “GIF.” Because 51% is a simple majority and the US is  a representative sample easily generalized to the entire world, clearly that is the only correct way to pronounce the word.

Further aiding the GIF cause, Gifford Gifman, too, has recently spoken up about his beliefs on the topic. As one of the leading researchers in the field and quite possible the most respected linguist in the world, Gifman’s pronunciation has been heralded as the “holy grail of GIFdom” by his contemporaries, who wholeheartedly support his release of the “It’s GIF” book, which investigates the evolution of the word GIF and conclusively proves that it’s pronounced GIF. With powerful language and vivid description, Gifman leaves no question as to the pronunciation of GIF. He ends his 999 page novel with an impactful quote that leaves no question as to how the word should be said, as he eloquently declares that “trust me, it’s GIF.”

Imperiling the GIF cause, the creator of the GIF has come out with a statement proclaiming that it’s “GIF.” But, clearly he’s wrong. Everyone knows that it’s pronounced GIF. So to move forward and bring light back to society, everyone needs to mutually agree that it’s pronounced GIF. After all, as Ingrif O’Grif said in her groundbreaking study, “It’s GIF or nothin.”