Summer is approaching at a leisurely pace, and students are finding fewer and fewer reasons to get up in the morning. More often than not, while they are staring at the face of their teacher, a face that they have grown to despise over the course of the year, despite the fact that the teacher is an incredible human being. Kids in class are not listening to a word of the lecture being given, but rather making plans for after the end of school, and dreaming about the wonderful things summer has in store: freedom, picnics, social gatherings, forgetting everything that had been taught in school the previous year, all things American.

As a member of the public school system who values education above all else, except for maybe the 1980 masterpiece Caddyshack, it is of utmost importance to me that students get as much knowledge as possible crammed into their frazzled brains. Therefore, so students do not have to spend their time figuring out how to spend the summer months, I have constructed the perfect list of summer activities sure to refresh the mind after a wholesome year of school:

● Watch Netflix all day on a TV instead of on your phone at the back of the class
● Wear the same shirt for a week
● Think of creative reasons as to why you can’t mow the lawn right now
● Play music really loud with the windows open to rake in as many complaints from the neighbors as possible
● Use a social bon fire as an excuse to start stuff on fire (like the list of chores your mom gave you that morning)
● Take up a new hobby that will be your “summer thing”, then abandoning it a few days later
● Complain about the heat instead of the cold
● Pin cute summer outfits on Pinterest while wearing that t shirt with the hole in it and shorts that were at some point your older brother’s jeans
● Say “we should totally hang out soon!” to all of your friends and then never planning anything because there is no way you’re getting out of bed
● Test the “no shoes, no service” rule at various establishments and subsequently getting kicked out of most respectable businesses
● Watch your handwriting deteriorate to that of a first grader’s from lack of use.
● Make a list of all the TV shows and movies you haven’t seen but want to, then rewatch the series you literally just finished the other day
● Lay in the sun for essentially no reason because you can’t tan
● Drive with your windows down to force your music taste upon the masses
● Fine-tune you sandwich making skills
● Travel to faraway places like Northfield
● Enjoy the warm weather by sitting inside with the windows open.

Once all of these are accomplished, students are free to make their own list of activities, which they will no doubt toil over, wasting the rest of the summer making plans instead of actually doing anything.