An Egg-straordinary Article

Imagine waking up early Easter morning, excited for the egg-cellent candy, only to realize that all of the rabbits were killed. That may soon be the case for young children in the years to come.

250 rabbits were killed this Easter Sunday for no reason other than malicious children searching for more candy. They were unable to egg-scape the stampede. “A crime of hate,” one might say. “Racial slaughter.”

      Their hate must be stopped. Since they’re minors, the murderers’ names cannot be disclosed. However, in a mad rage to get all the candy, the children viciously attacked at least 250 poor, innocent rabbits. One reason they were attacked was believed to be that children thought that if they grabbed the Easter Bunny, or whatever rabbit was close, they’d get more candy.

Already, there are groups forming to protect the defenseless Easter Bunny’s breed. A famous group called KKK, the Kool Kids’ Klub, created by a young teen who, at first, had no idea what he was going to do (hence the historically infamous acronym). He and many others who’ve joined his cause, now protest in the streets of Timbuktu.

According to the young teen, “I think rabbits should be protected. They are a part of our culture, so we gotta save them!” While there are many young folk against this murder, a majority of the children in today’s society believe that Easter bunnies are a thing of the past. Instead of candy, children believe that they should be given Apples. And not the fruit kind. A poll from www.totallynotreal.com, stated that an appalling 99.999999% of kids today believe that candy is no longer enough, a steady .0001% increase in the past 100 years.

As the ambitious(to say the least) little devils steadily and sneakily take over the known world, it is safe to say that torture methods are a little too new. In the ‘old days’, negative consequences for misbehaving children included more than suspension and expulsion. Those days, a slap on the wrist was letting delinquent children off easy.

While the Easter bunnies may have other egg-agements post-Easter, kids can still finish off the sweet treats, while they last.