Expensive arguments

On April 8th, 2016, the school board announced that they will be raising annual debate team budget from it’s original $2 allowance to $5 and an empty Subway sandwich bag. “This is fantastic,” captain Miranda Felton exclaimed, “We can finally stop strapping our novices to the roof of the car!” With their immense success in the past few years, the Board was overwhelmed with pride for their team, leading them to believe the kids deserved more money for better opportunities. Grant Schlichting, a second year debater, was ecstatic upon the announcement. “It’s going to be awesome to be able to get articles from sources other than the Cannon Falls Beacon. Maybe we’ll be able to afford something from the Onion next season!” Debate team coach John Fogarty is grateful for the budget raise, and is hopeful it is put to good use. “Maybe, just maybe, we’ll be able to buy Miranda some morals.”